Baby Shower: Before/After Birth?
Americans and Indians hold it before, but many more cultures wait
Americans and Indians hold baby showers (godh bharai) before the birth. But in many other parts of the world it is postponed for supersitious as well as sound reasons.
In North America it is common to hold the baby shower before the due date. But this is a new and exceptional custom. Before World War II it was celebrated after the birth, and it still is in most other cultures.
Many cultures cite evil spirits and bad luck as reasons for postponing the celebrations. Some Jews, for instance, say that a party, buying baby-things or even mentioning the baby’s name before the birth, could invite the evil spirit Lilith.
Such superstitious explanations are often based on sound psychological reasons. One has to remember that well into the second quarter of the last century there was a high incidence of miscarriages, still-births and infant deaths. These still happen today in the West, and this is the main reason why most Jews and others will not have pre-birth baby showers.
Such tragedies are of course still painfully common in many poverty-stricken parts of the world. India, for instance, is still plagued by a high level of infant mortality (a staggering 136.000 maternal and one million newborn deaths in 2005). In the face of such odds, it is perhaps not surprising that the mandatory baby shower is held before the birth, and that it is centered on good omens and superstitious safeguards against disaster.
The Indian baby shower is called the “godh bharai” in Hindi (“srimanth” in Gujarat, “dohale jewan” in Maharashtra). It is held in the seventh month of the pregnancy and only for the firstborn. It consists of a dinner party for all relatives and a ceremonious part which in most cases only women attend. Everyone is dressed up almost as for a wedding.
There are many rules: some days are more auspicious than others, but one definitely mustn’t wait past the seventh eighth month. The presence of a woman who has had a miscarriage is bad luck. The mother-to-be is given a small red dot on her forehead for good luck. Her mother and mother-in-law fill her lap (hence “godh bharai”: “godh” for her lap and “bharna” “to fill”) with gifts that are considered good omens: jewelry, gifts, and one rupee and a quarter rupee coins. Her sister-in-law ties a yellow thread around her right wrist: this “nada chhadi” will protect her and her child from evil spirits.
May this remind us that not everything is under our control, and that baby showers are first of all about wishing the best for mother and child.
Related articles:
- The American Baby Shower: Its History and Customs
- Suikerbonen: Belgian Food for Birth
- Sweet and strange birth party custom around the world
